You probably do things that your lovers don't like, but you mean well. I'd say just chalk it up to experimentation on their part - but if you don't like it, say so. However, I think it's polite to ask first. Posts with Most Replies Meme dump. I think they grow out of it
I think you're handling it just fine.
Well, my wife finds this particular technique particularly pleasurable, and generally orgasms when a second finger is inserted. I'm with GilloD on the no anal-policy for me but I've been asked to do something similar with women I've been with a couple times. Ideally, you're right that there should be a conversation, or at least an on-the-fly question in the heat of the moment "um I know I'd ask my wife before attempting to put my finger in her butt. I guess I ask because typically there is some sort of conversation about having anal sex before it actually happens, and it seems to me, a finger could also warrant a heads up.
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